Do you talk to your partner about sex? I don’t mean talking dirty or sexting, although those are a lot of fun and I highly encourage them. I mean really talk? About what you like, what you don’t like, what you’d like to try.
Ladies, do you tell him when he’s going too fast or too slow or when the position really doesn’t do anything for you? If you’re uncomfortable telling him during sex, do you tell him afterwards? If you don’t, are you afraid you’ll wound his ego? Ask him if he really enjoys that position. If he does, that’s great. Just go with it but make sure he’s doing what you love as well. Do you ask him what he enjoys, what you can do to improve the experience for him? Are you open to trying new things, new positions, using toys?
Men, do you ask your lady what she loves, what she wants? Do you try new things, new positions? I know you guys love receiving oral sex but do you give it as willingly as she gives it to you? Do you pay attention to how she’s responding? If she’s usually pretty vocal, do you notice when she’s not? Do you ask her if it feels good, if there’s something else she wants?
Have you (men and women) discussed body hair? I know it’s a weird subject but it’s a big thing for me. I know a lot of women do Brazilian waxing now but guys … do you shave too, or at least trim your pubic hair? If you don’t like having a mouth full of fur, what makes you think your partner does? This is why it’s so important to talk.
This goes for whatever type of relationship you’re in, whether it’s heterosexual, gay, multiple participants, long term or one-night stands. If communication outside the sexual context is important, how can we possibly think that it’s any less important when you throw sex into the mix?
Lack of communication about sex, as with anything in life, can lead to misunderstanding, mistrust, negative self-image, feelings of inadequacy. If he doesn’t orgasm, is it because of something you’re doing or not doing or is it just that he has a hard time letting go? If she doesn’t orgasm, is it because she doesn’t enjoy what you’re doing or is it because she has fifty things on her mind from work to the kids to the grocery list and she just can’t relax enough to climax?
I urge you to think about this, talk to your partner and be honest. No judgment, no recriminations, no sulking. Just open dialogue. Please believe me, it will go a long way to improving not only your sexual experience but also your relationship.
Until next time darlings,