When Your Man isn’t in the Mood

So ladies … there’s a lot of talk about women who are just too tired, stressed out, time crunched or hormonally imbalanced and consequently don’t have much desire for sex. That seems to be a common occurrence and if you’re one of those women, I can help you.

What if it’s your man who doesn’t seem to have much desire to “get it on”? If you’re having relationship issues remember that it takes two to make it work and that could be an underlying issue but for the purposes of this post, we’ll take that out of the equation.

As women we tend to take things so personally. If he doesn’t want sex, it must be he doesn’t find me attractive anymore, right? I’ll be honest, sometimes that’s the case. But more often than not, there is something going on in his head 😉

The following are common causes of low libido in men:

  • Low testosterone
  • Low DHEA
  • Excessive stress
  • Lack of sleep
  • Lack of exercise
  • An unhealthy diet
  • Depression
  • Restless legs
  • Anxiety
  • Chronic illness
  • Aging
  • Medications such as ACE inhibitors or beta blockers

There seems to be an expectation that men want sex frequently and are always ready and willing pretty much any time. Unfortunately that’s not always the case, especially over the age of about 40 or 50. Men are human too. Fortunately there are natural remedies that do work.

Lifestyle changes that may help improve his endurance include:

  • Get more quality sleep
  • Meditation
  • Regular exercise
  • Healthy diet – fruits, vegetables, lean meats, healthy fats
  • Restrict alcohol
  • Stop smoking
  • Maintain a healthy relationship – keep the lines of communication OPEN

Before trying anything outside of lifestyle changes … go to the doctor!! Get testosterone, DHEA, cholesterol, blood sugar and A1C levels checked (metabolic syndrome or diabetes). Get his prostate checked.

Horny goat weed, L-arginine, yohimbe and glutamate are common natural supplements but they are not without some risk. Please be sure to talk to a qualified health practitioner such as a nutritionist or naturopath prior to taking anything.

As a last resort, there is Cialis or Viagra but ONLY if the doctor gives his/her okay. There are serious health risks with these medications.  If you’re heading down this road, give me a call first.

One of the most important things you can do as a woman is to be patient and understanding. Please do NOT put him down, accuse him of cheating or not loving you or get angry with him. Sometimes this happens to a man and he has no idea what the problem is and often he will feel embarrassed or upset. Unfortunately our wonderful men tend not to address these issues like women.

I would recommend that you sit down and have a conversation with him. Set aside some time when you don’t have any distractions. Ask him if he’s feeling ok. Is he feeling stressed or depressed or anxious? See if you can get him to go to the doctor.

If your partner is not in the mood to, or is unable to perform, there are so many other ways of having fun. Whether it’s oral sex, manual stimulation or using toys, you can still have great intimacy with your spouse. Learn how to play without the pressure of performance. Intimacy really is the cornerstone to a successful marriage, however sex is not the sole means of sharing intimacy with your partner.

If you’d like to discuss this further, please email me at sandy@steppingstoneswellnessinc.com.

With much love,


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