When your sex drive is out of sync with your partner’s

Do you remember the early days when you first met your partner? Chances are you were totally into that person and you would spend hours making out? You couldn’t get enough of each other and you couldn’t imagine it any other way? You’d take chances, almost getting caught by parents or strangers. But then something happened and you were out of sync with your partner. It wasn’t necessarily anything big that happened. You just noticed one day that your sex drives didn’t match up so much any more.

There are so many reasons for this happening.  Perhaps only one of you is experiencing one or more of the following.  This is where the trouble can start.


  • Stress – This is such a big one and people don’t make the connection a lot of the time. It might not even have anything to do with your partner. It might be work, caring for aging parents, your changing body, and of course children.
  • Children – Who can blame you? You’re both sleep deprived, your hormones are all over the place ladies, and your man might feel neglected.  When you’re sleep deprived, the only thing you’re interested in doing in bed is sleeping.
  • Hormonal imbalance – I cannot stress this one enough. Whether it’s an imbalance of cortisol, thyroid or sex hormones, if you’re experiencing a hormonal imbalance, chances are you’re not too interested in sex. The good news is that once your hormones are back in balance, chances are good your sex drive will come back … sometimes with a vengeance 😉
  • Medications – Many medications can alter your sex drive. The list includes antidepressants, antihistamines, birth control pill (so THAT’S how that works …) medical marijuana, anti-seizure meds, beta blockers, opiod pain killers, and anti-anxiety medications.
  • Relationship issues – Let’s face it, if you’ve got relationship issues, you’re not going to want to be intimate with that person.  This is a huge issue that needs to be addressed sooner than later.
  • Diet – If your diet (aka nutritional plan) is full of sugar, wheat and processed foods, there’s a good probability that your sex drive might be off.  Clean up your diet, drink plenty of filtered water and have lots of fibre and your sex drive just might return 🙂
  • Body Image – This is huge for many women, whether it’s weight that they’ve gain from pregnancy, menopause or just an unhealthy lifestyle. Let’s face it, we’re inundated with unrealistic body images from the media. It truly is time to take back our own power and learn to love and accept our bodies for where we are right now. If you’re not where you really want to be, then work to change that but never beat yourself up for where you are. Life is a journey and we’re all on our own course. If you need help in this regard, please reach out to me at sandy@letstalksexwithsandy.com.
  • Maybe you’re the one with a high sex drive and he’s just not in the mood. Men generally don’t talk about this stuff too much. I’d really like to see this change. Men can be perceived as being the more sexual beings. But what if he’s stressed or on meds or not getting sufficient sleep? What if he’s having performance issues so he just avoids sex altogether? This can be a huge problem if he doesn’t open up to his partner because you know ladies how we love to take things personally and make everything our fault.



So while the above is a list of possible reasons why you could be out of sync with your partner, it is by no means a complete list. So what can you do about it? Talk. I don’t mean to simplify it so much but truly, communication is the best piece of advice I can give you.

Whether you’ve been together a year or 20 years, and especially if you’re committed to your partner, you need to open up, be vulnerable, and let the other person know that it’s not that you don’t love them or find them sexy, but rather it’s something going on inside of you.

Don’t know where to start or how to approach the subject? You can reach out to me at sandy@letstalksexwithsandy.com … I’m always here to help.

Wishing you a fabulous, satisfying week.

Sandy O’Shea
Sex & Hormone Specialist

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