Men and Women and their Differing Sexual Motivations

This has been coming up for me a LOT lately. I started noticing it after I received a meme. Women want love and affection before they give sex. Men want sex to give love and affection. Is this true all the time? Of course not.   Are there other reasons why men and women don’t connect? Absolutely. But the “chicken and egg” scenario is what this article is all about.

Within a short period of time, several women I met with had indicated that their sex lives just weren’t that great.   Their libido was wavering. They wanted to be romanced, their partner just wanted sex. The problem was their partners weren’t really showing them a lot of affection and attention outside of the “bedroom”. When they asked their partners, the men indicated that they didn’t feel very affectionate since the woman didn’t want sex.

So what are you supposed to do when both parties want different things? You’ll never guess my answer to THAT question…..

Okay … so if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know that my answer is … drumroll please … TALK TO EACH OTHER!!! Yes … good old fashioned communication which seems to be in short supply these days.

Guys … I know you’re generally not comfortable talking about your feelings. But here’s the thing. You want sex, right? Partner wants communication and affection. If you’re not getting what you want then perhaps if you TALK to your partner, you just might get it. Wouldn’t that be worth the effort of swallowing your pride, getting uncomfortable and opening up? More sex??? Really? Think about it.

Ladies … we LOVE to talk about our feelings. Maybe too much. Perhaps a little less talk and more action might help bridge the gap between what you want and what he wants. I know … sometimes we have to do things we’re not crazy about doing. But if it gets you what you want (more love and affection), then perhaps giving him more action might get you what YOU want. Would it be worth it??? NEVER do something you feel pressured to do.  Sometimes we think we’re not interested in sex but then we start to get into it and discover we actually really do want it.

Ultimately folks, at the core of it, I truly believe that we all crave love and affection and intimacy and connection. If your current modus operandi isn’t getting you what you want or need, perhaps it’s time to try something different. What have you got to lose?

So here’s my challenge to you … both men and women … arrange a night where nobody else is home, put on some sexy music, nice clothes, grab a bottle of wine or sparkling water, cook a nice meal together, and TALK. Tell each other what you like or don’t care for. What do you want to try? How do you want them to touch you? Then GO DO IT and don’t forget the lube!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand that sometimes there are bigger problems … you’re really not attracted to your partner … they’ve been emotionally abusive or too distant for too long. That certainly complicates matters, but then you’ve got to ask yourself the question … is this relationship worth saving?  Please don’t stay in a relationship that is beyond repair or that is really unhealthy for you.

If I can help in any way, be it nutritionally (what you eat can have a HUGE impact on libido), hormone balancing or improving your sex life, please email me at


Share this post: