I had an experience recently which transported me back 30 years ago when I had to call 9-1-1 but the call was disconnected before it went through.Back in the late 80’s I was in my 20’s and living on my own in Downtown Toronto. I was out clubbing on a regular basis and having a blast.
I met a guy one night at the Bamboo Club on Queen Street West. It was intense, very sexual and I got caught up completely in him. And then he disappeared.
Fast forward months later and my friend’s wedding day arrived. I was planning to attend the ceremony but not the reception. And then I got a call at 5:30 a.m. from this guy. I told him to leave me alone and went back to sleep. At 7:00 a.m. there was a knock at my door … I told him to leave but he kept knocking. I didn’t want to disturb my neighbours (the good little girl who hated confrontation and disappointment) so I let him in. It was obvious he was on something.
He proceeded to berate me, telling me it was all my fault that we broke up because I was too intense. I was tired and asked him to leave … we could talk later. He sat his butt down on my couch and when I told him to get the f*ck out, he laughed. I grabbed my phone and called 9-1-1; he grabbed the phone and hung up. I was starting to feel very threatened. I screamed at him to get out but he just unzipped his pants and started playing with himself … like that was going to entice me. I was smart enough to take advantage of his situation and pushed him hard. He fell back onto the couch and FINALLY got the hint and left.
I locked the door behind him and fell apart. And missed the wedding.
So what is the point to all this? You never know what can trigger a deep seeded, forgotten memory of a traumatic event.
I’ve spent a lot of time, money and energy working through some serious issues; family, confidence, memories, lack of confidence, grief and my challenges with asking for and receiving help. Despite the work I’ve done, I was very strongly triggered. What the work that I did earlier this year did do for me was give me the ability to recognize what happened and the strength to move past it quickly.
I’ve been through a lot this year; leaving a long term marriage, relocating my home and starting over in a town where I only knew two people, all during a pandemic. I didn’t realize I was grieving; but once I accepted I needed help and did the work … my life transformed.
I encourage you to not hesitate to reach out and get help. Whether it’s a life coach, a therapist or someone you trust, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable reaching out to, please email me at email@example.com. If I can’t help you, I’ll put you in touch with someone who can.
Stay tuned for my next book “From Invisible to Technicolour” being released in 2021.