Getting Triggered

I had an experience recently which transported me back 30 years ago when I had to call 9-1-1 but the call was disconnected before it went through.Back in the late 80’s I was in my 20’s and living on my own in Downtown Toronto.  I was out clubbing on a regular basis and having a blast.

I met a guy one night at the Bamboo Club on Queen Street West.  It was intense, very sexual and I got caught up completely in him.  And then he disappeared.

Fast forward months later and my friend’s wedding day arrived.  I was planning to attend the ceremony but not the reception.  And then I got a call at 5:30 a.m. from this guy.  I told him to leave me alone and went back to sleep.  At 7:00 a.m. there was a knock at my door … I told him to leave but he kept knocking.  I didn’t want to disturb my neighbours (the good little girl who hated confrontation and disappointment) so I let him in.  It was obvious he was on something.

He proceeded to berate me, telling me it was all my fault that we broke up because I was too intense.  I was tired and asked him to leave … we could talk later.  He sat his butt down on my couch and when I told him to get the f*ck out, he laughed.  I grabbed my phone and called 9-1-1; he grabbed the phone and hung up.  I was starting to feel very threatened.  I screamed at him to get out but he just unzipped his pants and started playing with himself … like that was going to entice me.  I was smart enough to take advantage of his situation and pushed him hard.  He fell back onto the couch and FINALLY got the hint and left.

I locked the door behind him and fell apart.  And missed the wedding.

So what is the point to all this?  You never know what can trigger a deep seeded, forgotten memory of a traumatic event.

I’ve spent a lot of time, money and energy working through some serious issues; family, confidence, memories, lack of confidence, grief and my challenges with asking for and receiving help.  Despite the work I’ve done, I was very strongly triggered.  What the work that I did earlier this year did do for me was give me the ability to recognize what happened and the strength to move past it quickly.

I’ve been through a lot this year; leaving a long term marriage, relocating my home and starting over in a town where I only knew two people, all during a pandemic.  I didn’t realize I was grieving; but once I accepted I needed help and did the work … my life transformed.

I encourage you to not hesitate to reach out and get help.  Whether it’s a life coach, a therapist or someone you trust, don’t be afraid to ask for help.  If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable reaching out to, please email me at  If I can’t help you, I’ll put you in touch with someone who can.

Stay tuned for my next book “From Invisible to Technicolour” being released in 2021.


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