Have you lost that lovin’ feeling?

When you were in your 20’s, 30’s and even 40’s, did you enjoy sex?  I mean truly experience pleasure while lovemaking?  Has that changed for you as you’ve crossed over the 50 line?  If you are in a loving, sexy, vibrant relationship (whether it’s the first one or the 5th one), then congratulations.  I’m both proud of and happy for you.


However, all too often, when I tell women over 50 that I’m a sex and hormone coach, their response is “I’m done with all that”.  Oh how misguided they are.  Sex and Intimacy should last a lifetime.  I will warn you … we’re talking mostly sex here with a little bit of hormones.


Whether you’re perimenopausal, menopausal or post-menopausal, these times can bring about some major changes in your body, your mind, your spirit and how you view the world.  For some it’s empowering; for others it’s horrible.  So many women experience loss of a relationship through divorce or death and many just give up on having any form of a life of pleasure.


Rest assured, you are not doomed to years of dryness, no interest in sex, hot flashes and brain fog.  There are natural options for all of these symptoms and I’m happy to help you navigate these changes. There are so many options for managing the challenges of being over 50.


And then there’s the issue of sex which is what I really specialize in.  Some women get a “second wind”, especially if they are single for whatever reason and to those ladies I say “bravo”!  Fill your boots and enjoy the hell out of the freedom of no periods and no concern about pregnancy.  Do what makes you feel great about yourself.  If you want to be celibate, go for it although I do recommend masturbation.  If you want to “sow your oats”, have a blast!  Prefer younger cubs?  Good on ya.  The important thing is to do what makes YOU feel good.


Go for a mani-pedi and use bright, fun colours to capture your mood.  Get a new haircut or colour … no need to stick to short gray hair if that’s not your thing.  Buy a hot, sexy new outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks! But whatever you do … do it for YOU … not for someone else.  Most of us have likely spent most of our lives adapting to what others want; what society thinks is “appropriate”.  Girl …do what makes YOU feel great about yourself.


If you’re a single woman (or your partner is no longer able to have sex), I highly recommend you explore and invest in some toys.  The options are endless and they’ve come so far in recent years!  You can even recharge them on your computer 😉  I can help you in that regard as well.


Last, but certainly not least, are you ladies who have lost all interest in sex.  There are numerous reasons for this.  It could be hormonal, it could be stress, it could be your relationship is suffering or it could be that your partner really doesn’t know what they’re doing.  A lot of older couples end up living like married siblings or friends but it truly does not need to be like that.


There are a few reasons many women in this age bracket give up on sex.  (1) they’re long past baby making years; (2) their relationship has gone flat or (3) they’ve never had truly pleasurable sex because their man doesn’t have a clue.


Let’s face it, nobody teaches us to have sex.  Unless someone takes their time to explore what you like, what makes you wet and what gives you pleasure, how are they to know?  And ladies … SPEAK UP!  We’re all built a little differently. The G Spot is in approximately the same area for all women but there’s about a half inch give or take area.  You may not even know exactly where it is so the best thing to do is get your own finger inside your vagina and feel around a little.  It’ll be on the upper part of your vagina, about 1 ½ to 2 inches from the opening.  It has kind of a spongy feel.  You’ll know when you hit it.  Then you can guide your partner.


Some women have really sensitive nipples; others can handle a lot of pinching or biting.  Some women are stimulated clitorally, others by penetration and many by both.  Do you like receiving oral pleasure?  Do you like it slow and luxurious or exciting and intense? Explore!  You need to find out what makes you tick before you can really tell your partner what they need to do … or explore together!  Just a note about your labia and your body image, especially if you’re in the market for “fresh meat”.  Do not be embarrassed by your body, especially your pussy.  There are so many shapes of labia and any decent man won’t care.  They also don’t care if you have a pooch or carry extra weight.  Hell, they’re just happy to be getting sex LOL.  But seriously, just love your body.  You can work on changing it if you want to; just don’t do it for a man.  One of the sexiest things about a woman is her confidence!


Never masturbated before?  Oh girl … we gotta talk.  Masturbation is THE best way to figure out what you like so you can share with your partner.  It also gives you the opportunity to take care of business yourself 😉  Mutual masturbation can be SUCH a turn on!  If you’ve never done it, try it.


There’s another aspect to this issue which you may or may not enjoy.  Giving oral sex.  I haven’t met a man yet who didn’t enjoy receiving it.  Unfortunately a lot of women do not enjoy giving it.  Is it too hairy for you?  Ask him to trim it right down (so much nicer) and make sure he showers (or even just washes his genitalia) before getting into it.


A lot of men as they age deal with some form of erectile dysfunction (ED).  There are numerous reasons for that and, like menopause symptoms, isn’t something you just have to deal with.  The first step however is admitting there’s a challenge.  Along with ED comes erections that are soft or don’t last long.  Perhaps that’s part of the problem with why you can’t be bothered any more.  I can help with that too.  Often, men will have soft erections but they can still orgasm and ejaculate.  Did you know that a man can have one without the other?


Then there’s the issue if you are giving oral to your man, and he’s not hard enough to actually penetrate you, what do you do with the ejaculate?  Do you spit, swallow or have him cum elsewhere?  Just make sure you discuss before playtime.  The fun fact about enjoying giving him oral is that it can really turn you on too!


Here’s the thing about giving a man oral.  There are so many different ways that they enjoy, depending on the man.  Some like it slower and deeper, many are most sensitive around the tip, most love deep throat (it’s an art and if you have a really sensitive gag reflect I don’t really recommend it).  Two of the biggest things …. ASK him what he wants or tell him to let you know if he wants something different.  And please do NOT take it as criticism.  Just like he won’t know what you really like unless you tell him, it works the same way for him.


Whatever you do in the bedroom, shake it up!  Don’t do the same positions or the same order of things or use the same locations.  Make the time to really connect and spend some serious time together and truly make love.  Then have a quickie in the kitchen.  Have sex outside … you may feel more comfortable doing this at night in your backyard or balcony.  Just shake it up.  And if you REALLY want to spice things up, invite someone to join you 😉


Why is sex so important?  Well, it helps with your connection to your partner.  It’s an intimacy you don’t get with anyone else.  Plus … there are a lot of health benefits to sex … specifically orgasms.  It boosts your immune system (who couldn’t use more of that?), it helps balance hormones, it protects your heart, lubricates your vagina and, if you’re doing it right, counts as light exercise.


I welcome you to email me at sandy@letstalksexwithsandy.com for more information. I do offer a free 30 minute call to see how I can best help you.

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