A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime

We met a friend’s wedding; Chris was tall and slender and the tux looked amazing on him.  I had heard so many stories about him that I was very intrigued.  He reminded me a lot of the type of person I was when I was single and in my twenties.  We would have been fireworks back in the day.  He and his wife chatted with my husband and I periodically throughout the evening.  I was on the dance floor most of of the night (hubby was usually with me) and every time I looked over, he was watching.  I spent a good portion of that night dancing for him but trying not to make it too obvious since our spouses were right there.

We ended up connecting on Facebook a couple of weeks later.  We became friends, chatting about this and that.  My husband and I were really interested in the swinging lifestyle so we talked about that a lot.  He and his wife had been quite active but weren’t actively involved at the time.

Weeks had passed into a few months when one day he said something and I replied in a rather seductive manner.  He was surprised to say the least.  He didn’t think I thought of him in that way at all.  Of course he seized the opportunity to continue down that road.  I was shocked he was into me; he was so slender and I was, well, not.  I didn’t think he had any interest in me and he felt the same way about me.  See what happens when you take a chance?

We made arrangements to get together at my place one afternoon.  I was so incredibly nervous; I didn’t think I’d be adventurous enough for him.  When he finally arrived, we went downstairs to get to know each other.  One thing lead to another and while it wasn’t spectacular, it was pretty damned good for a first time.  We were both hooked and looked forward to getting together again soon after.  I fell hard and fast for that man and never understood how I could love two men so deeply.  We texted each other multiple times every day, describing in detail what we wanted to do to each other.  This went on for a long time.  He started to encourage me to move closer to him.  I loved the idea but husband wasn’t about to leave the Toronto area until he was retired.  So we continued our affair for about nine years, seeing each other every several weeks or so; sometimes for half an hour, sometimes for an overnight.

I loved my husband and had no plans to leave him.  Chris, however, provided me with things that my husband never did.  He opened me up sexually, helped me move past so many of my fears and helped me see just how amazing I am.  He always encouraged me and told me I could do anything I really wanted to do.  I was in this relationship for the long haul and he had said the same thing.

After almost a year of debating it, I finally told my husband I was leaving on January 2, 2020 .  He wasn’t surprised; we had both kind of checked out of our marriage.  Chris, however, was concerned that I was leaving my husband for him. I assured him it had nothing to do with him; I needed out.  I felt stifled and bored and frustrated.  Then I hit him with “I’m moving north”.  He was both excited and apprehensive.  I assured him I was doing this for me and I wouldn’t complicate his life.  I never wanted to interfere with this family; I just wanted a little part of him.

We used to have a big fight once a year.  Not sure why, it just happened.  I kept a lot from him and that drove him crazy.  After I moved up north I started doing a lot of spiritual growth and personal transformation.  And the fights started to become more regular.  He was always accusing me of doing things I wasn’t or not doing things he thought I should.  I was starting to get tired of it.  He was making me feel less than who I really was.

My besties and my coach at the time kept encouraging me to really look at whether this was what I wanted in my life.  I was beginning to sense that we weren’t going to last too much longer but it scared me to think of him not in my life.  As time went on, I became more and more frustrated and he kept pulling back for whatever reason.

It was becoming very clear that “the lifetime” relationship was actually “a reason/season”.  He had come into my life to help teach me to get over my fears, to never stop moving forward and believing in myself.  January 21, 2023 we finally split; this time forever.  Will we ever be friends?  I don’t know.  I’m not even sure if I want to be friends with him.  I still love him deeply and I will forever be grateful for what he gave him.  It was an incredible twelve years; never a dull moment, never boring.

Since ending things with him, I can breathe easier.  My nervous system is no longer on high alert.  Not gonna lie … I was rather obsessed with him and that was so unhealthy.  It feels so good to finally be truly free to live my life according to my own rules.

The moral of this story?  Enjoy every moment with the people who are in your life now because you never know when they will no longer be a part of it.  Some are sent for a reason, some a season and a very few for a lifetime.  Make the most of your life and if someone isn’t contributing to it in a positive way, really look at whether the deserve to be in your life.

QUICK UPDATE:  Despite what I expected, Chris and I did get back together.  Somehow when we split this last time a switch got flipped in me.  I still love him like crazy but I’m no longer obsessed.   We’ve talked things through and we both wanted the same things.  To say I feel a LOT better about things is putting it mildly.  Do I believe we will be together “for a lifetime”?  I honestly don’t know.  What I do know, is that I feel so empowered, so strong and I put myself first … above everyone else … so that I can be my best in all my relationships and interactions.  I needed that break for a re-set to my system.  We’re so much better now and I will be forever grateful for that few weeks apart.  Clear communication folks … it’s THE most important aspect of ANY type of relationship.

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