You’d think that being in a marriage or common-law partnership would naturally make us open and vulnerable with our partners. Yet, for many, this openness is elusive. We often try to be strong to avoid adding to our partner’s stress or tiptoe around them to avoid conflict.

This is the opposite of where we need to be. Your partner should be the one person you can be completely open and vulnerable with. I know it’s hard. My ex and I struggled with this a lot; if I could do it over again, I would do things differently. I would listen more—not just to the words but to the tone and what he wasn’t saying. I would be more honest about my feelings. But I refuse to beat myself up over it because it was part of our journey, and we could only be together for so long.

Personal growth, development, awareness—whatever you want to call it—should be a continuous process. Both personally and as a couple, we should be growing all the time. For a partnership to flourish, we need to learn to be open, honest, and vulnerable, even if it sometimes hurts. I’m not suggesting intentionally hurting your partner but don’t hide things.

Re-entering the dating scene after many years, I find the world has changed. It’s so superficial, and people often ghost each other without explanation. My request to any man I start something with is simple: be honest and straightforward with me. I’d rather be hurt by the truth than placated with a lie only to be ghosted or, worse, stay with me out of a warped sense of obligation.

As a couple, you can recover from almost anything if you’re willing to work on it together. Yes, even an affair. However, any form of abuse, narcissism, or gaslighting must stop. Unfortunately, the vast majority of these cases end relationships. I understand it’s not easy to walk away, but if you’re in that type of situation, please reach out to someone who can help. If you don’t know where to turn, reach out to me. I have a vast network for which I’m eternally grateful.

Communication is key to everything! If you can’t be honest with your significant other, then why are you still with them? Is it fear, lack of trust, or something to hide?

I’ve learned a lot about relationships the hard way during my fifty-nine years on this planet—both what to do and what not to do. My biggest teacher was my four years working as an escort. I had no idea I would become a counselor, a coach, a confidante. Yes, for many of my clients, it was just about fun, but I lost track of the number of men who felt neglected, lonely, and unworthy because their wives didn’t want physical intimacy. Many men told me their wives hadn’t touched them in any way for years. When I asked why they stayed, most cited financial reasons. They felt lost, alone, and unworthy of anything better. My heart broke. I wanted to talk to their wives to see if they could salvage their relationship, but that was obviously out of the question.

For those struggling in their relationships, try something new. Ask for an hour or two of alone time. No phones, no kids, no activities, no parents—just the two of you. If your partner asks why, tell them you want to address any issues or concerns. Suggest making a list of their concerns and take one of your own. Leave the house and go for a drive. Find a quiet, secluded spot where you can focus on each other. Take tissues—it could get emotional. This is especially important if you feel any level of disconnect or sense that your partner is holding back.

I recommend doing this regularly, at least two or three times a year. Better yet, make a pact with each other that when a concern arises, you’ll make time to address it without distractions. Deal with issues as they occur to avoid resentment and anger.

I’ll be discussing different aspects of relationships going forward. I hope you’ll join me on this adventure.

If you need a mediator or don’t know how to start approaching your partner, please reach out to me. Let’s talk.