Something has been sitting on my heart for a while, and honestly? It’s time to bring it into the light.
It’s about the way we speak to our significant others.
And before you assume I’m picking on men or calling out women — nope. This one’s universal. I see it from both sides, far too often, and it’s quietly eroding relationships everywhere.
You know… back when we were still trying to impress each other?
We talked kindly.
We showed up thoughtfully.
We said “I love you” with our whole heart..
We told our partner we were proud of them, admired them, adored them.
We did the little things. The big things. The unexpected things.
Then, somewhere along the way?
The kindness slides.
The nitpicking sneaks in.
The “I love you” moments get fewer and farther between.
The little things suddenly feel… optional.
And for a lot of couples, the first casualty is intimacy — sometimes followed by sex, or sometimes the lack of intimacy comes from a sex life that’s gone stale. It’s a whole chicken-and-egg situation.
Intimacy isn’t just sex.
In fact, sex without intimacy is like fast food — satisfying for a moment, but not nourishing in the long run.
Intimacy is openness.
It’s honesty.
It’s vulnerability.
It’s allowing someone to see the parts of you no one else gets access to.
It’s surrendering into safety … emotionally, energetically, and yes… physically.
Can you have a great sex life without intimacy?
Sure. Technically.
But something’s missing — that depth, that connection, that “I feel you in my soul” energy.
I didn’t understand this fully until I experienced it with my current man — let’s call him “A.”
I was married for 23 years.
I was in another long-term relationship for 14.
I thought we were intimate.
I truly did.
Looking back? I had no idea what I’d been missing.
Was the sex good? Yes.
But good sex isn’t necessarily intimate sex.
The first night with A?
It blew my mind … not because the sex was wild or acrobatic … but because of the safety. The emotional intensity. The softness. The connection.
I felt overwhelmed by how deeply I felt for him, and how completely I could just be with him. I had known him for years, sure — but this was different. It changed my understanding of intimacy forever.
Sex releases endorphins and oxytocin — but intimacy creates a connection sex alone can’t touch.
It’s a different flavour, more platonic, but it’s real.
And yes… you can have sex without intimacy.
But let’s be honest — a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better with both ingredients.
Same goes for relationships.
Does communication break down because the sex changes?
Or does the sex change because communication breaks down?
Truth? It can go either way.
But once the loop starts… it’s a slippery slope:
No one wants to admit fault.
No one wants to be vulnerable first.
Small resentments start to pile up.
The little things stop happening.
Appreciation fades.
Kindness fades.
Connection fades.
And suddenly you’re looking at the person you love like they’re a roommate you tolerate instead of a partner you cherish.
Why did you choose each other?
What lit you up back then?
Where did the spark begin … and when did it die?
Because yes, relationships evolve.
Yes, people grow in different directions sometimes.
Yes, sex can shift over the years — hormones, life stress, age, energy, routines — all of it.
But here’s what never becomes acceptable:
Being unkind.
Taking each other for granted.
Expecting effort without giving it.
Refusing to communicate because you’re “tired,” “busy,” or “over it.”
A relationship is a living, breathing thing — and both people have to feed it.
Not just with sex.
Not just with words.
Not just with nice gestures.
With all of it.
Effort.
Communication.
Kindness.
Honesty.
And yes… intimacy.
Because without those ingredients, love doesn’t just fade — it fractures.
And with them?
It deepens in ways you can’t even imagine.